ive got something to take away the pain

another sunday

another futsal game at the usual 2pm segambut arena, when the sun is at its peak

the zink housing acts like a conventional oven, the spoilt exhaust fans are for decorative purposes and the pace of the game makes us wonder how a world cup in africa is gonna be like.


its usually a group of advertisers and church community friends that meet up and reminiscent our youthful days gone by. trying to be our footballing heroes, trying to be a legend for just one day, or for others, just some good exercise.

as for me, thanks to my torn ACL i usually just end up as a goalie, and quite a half-baked one since i cant hardly react with my feet to low ball situations, i aint gonna jump in and dive to save any ballz, and every player knows my weakness. But nobody wants to play there anyway unless their shit tired, and i pay my share of RM12 everytime, so nobody complains.


the best part of being a goalie is you dont have to run so much, just a lot of standing and reacting, and you hardly have to bother about hard tackles, just hard shots, and man, some of these old fellas can shoot, age doesnt seem to reduce the power of their follow throughs.

In short, risks of injuries are lower...............or so i thought.

I get tons of head decapitating shots all the time, but there was this softer curled shot to my lower left, i seemed to have jammed my index finger onto it.

Like an evian bottle being crushed for recycling, there went my finger, compressed and popped right back out.

If hands had brains, my lefty is a total retard, it gets injured all the time, it just doesnt know how to caress a ball like my right, like a virgin to a whorehouse it keeps ramming into those shots, i might as well use my cock to stop the balls.

at the end of the day im glad i still managed to stop the shot, preventing a goal, excusing myself from the game on a higher note as compared to the time i fractured my hand in school.

again i was in goal, playing with my marching band buddies in the free school quadrangle, using the gymnast ring poles as a goal post.
all of us playing on a slightly muddy heavily unlevel grass field in our whites and school shoes.

on came the slowest of backpasses, i steadied myself to launch it back in the air,

i slipped slightly, i missed the ball completely, there was a goal, and i came crashing on my hand

i heard that internal sound nobody else could hear : "crack" , and the rest was history.



now sitting back here, trying to type without my left-index, all those f*ing F's i have to type with my middle finger (how appropriate) i realised what damon wayon's was trying to do in Major Payne when he broke a soldiers finger to make him forget about the injuries he was having.

all these injuries, sickness, it brings you back a step, makes you think clearer of what you've done and how brittle we all are.

all that shit form the songs how scars remind us how the past is real

it really helps us to FEEL i guess.


ffffffffffffffin ffffffin fffffffin fffffffin Fs