P for Pancetta

have to go on the road soon,

new reality shows, new crap same bullshit.

Preparations? dunno,

1. shave head-saves the hassle of conditioning and shit like that
2. get new shoes- i was never a believer of buying expensive shoes, but man my feet are all crapped out, and im fuckin fed up, pass on the timberlands
3. new phone perhaps?- really fed up with the P900 my dad offloaded to me, i'd rather even use my alcatel but my bro is using it since his phone is dead too.
4. new medicine- i'm constantly running out of pills to stop my gout attacks, must see doctor for ten times more the perscription and hopefully a discount.
5. new experiences? attitude? dunoo?hadjadjadjklkasdljasd

its coming to April can't possibly make it back for ceng beng, have to make an effort to go back to penang for easter at least, another short weekend to find out how my family is doing and not allowing to feel attached before leaving when things are so good to be home.

home

some people live their entire lives in the single plot of land they grew up in, history resonates in the very walls they would have repainted, damaged, stuck posters and picture frames and resealed and repainted again.

all the memories tied in a single household probably overcrowded and messy with everything that is worth nothing in money but still priceless to throw out.

my apartment, only 2-3 years worth of memories is only filled with trash that can be thrown out but trash in itself never ends, it can never be rid off. Therefore it is the one most irritating thing in the whole world that can never be solved, but through it's common tyranny it binds us together.

yes it does

it is but the byproduct of everything we do that has intact all of the memories that have been lost.

so do we get rid of it or not?


i guess it depends how irritating it gets.

crap crap, shit thrash, life

Episode II : Attack of the Crystals

damn this pain wont seem to go away,

its true what they say, you cant run away from you're sins, they just keep coming back to haunt you.

by sins I mean eating like a freaking pig.

just when I'm on my preventative medicine for my gout treatment, the one where the doc said if I have an attack I should stop and get another set of medicine,.....I get an attack.

And I remember him asking me about whether I wanted some attack medicine the last time, my foot was feeling great, so I says no and he says thats alright just come back if you need more and I says sure thing and therefore I went back.


Different doctor this time, glanced thru my medical card filled with probably 4-5 different scribbles of different doctors...its truly amazing how they even understand any of it, thats why they keep telling children with bad writing to be a doctor (I should know).

Well this chap gladly told me that I knew that he knew that I knew that I needed to loose weight in such a casual way and half-way explaining about the balance between medicine and dieting his phone goes off, then he goes off telling some dumb shmuck to buy something in which the dumb shmuck probably made a mistake....but who cares really.

I almost felt like slapping him, but his frankness and his patience in telling me about my condition (after the phone call) made me appreciate him more and listen to his advice.

So in the end we started talking about TV production where he blabbed how he new one of my colleagues on Idols and later about his nephew who apparently does animation for video games in Canada and that his nephew's company started off with medical animation but found game animation so much more rewarding (financially of course).

All that jazz, I get out, I see a crowd off sick people outside the clinic that wasnt there when I went in, couldn't help but feel guilty for wasting their time, but what they wont know wont hurt them.

I get my drugs, I get my MC, I'm back at home eating another freakin salad,watch Oliver Twist and fall asleep (the Polanski one), and that's pretty much the time I take to get back on the net.

gribbles my scribbles

the blood test is out

on the positive note:-

my blood cells are in order

sugar levels are great

electrolites good (all the salt shit)

my piss is great

my hepatitis B immunity is still superb from the jab i had 3 years ago

i have no VD

on a mix note:-

good old fats, overall cholesterol is suprisingly OK

HDL (good cholesterol) is good

BUT triglycerides (fats) are a bit high but not troubling

and LDL (bad shit) is just a bit off the scale, i should be lke a <2.58 mmol/L but I'm a 2.59

so overall not too troubling

on the BAD note:-

i have gout,

my liver is Fucked! means no drinking,

in short i've dranked so much the poisons of alcohol is still lurkin around

all my liver enzym readings are off the roof! but dun worry, the doctor said i wont die just yet, but i've got to work hard to preserve my liver and get my uric asid levels under control.

so word for the wise, drink wisely or you'll pay for it some day,

plus now i've got so much liqour stacked up in my room, i dun even know what to do with it,

not smoking, not drinking, signs of aging

i think i better take up chess or checkers

write a gout now

my foots been killin me ever since i was shooting a tv pilot in indonesia

actually it was hurting over there because i was walking all day with my camera but when i came back to KL and rested, everything was fine.


2 weeks later, the bitchin pain comes back, and i didnt sprain it or walk a lot or did much strenous activity at all.


ah what the hell, i just figured i was fat and all, and my feet are giving up, just hav to visit a sensei one day and get it sorted.

never found the time though, and the shit kept getting worse.

so i decided to give my leg some chinese healing when out of the blue my colleague was jokingly suggesting that i might have gout.

*alarm bells ring*

although he didnt he mean anything by it, but all the symptoms i had seemed to point to it, i finally knew what was fuckin my leg up, it couldnt have been a sprain, i didnt do shit.

but then again i'm young, but then again i'm fat

but then again my leg is not that swollen, but then again it was a reoccuring injury

and then i drink a lot

and then i love tomatoes, offals, beef, all types or purine-filled-taste so good-food

and then my mom and uncle have high uric asid levels also

and then i knew i was proper fucked


screw the sensei i had to go to the doctor.

went straight in the morning, limping like a disable freak (same thing happened the night earlier while i struggled to watch Underworld Evolution, fuan had free tickets, IT WAS A VERY DISAPPOINTING SHOW and to point out, PAINFULLY DISAPPOINTING)

had a sandwich when in the clinic, doctor touched my leg, i screamed, he told me i needed a blood test, ask me whether i ate anything, i said the sandwich, he said i should fast, i need to go back the next day, he suggested a full blood test since they are having a promotion anyway only RM 75, i said "sure" might as well face the facts that i'm obese with hypertension and a possible diabetic anyway (the usual malaysian stuff).

so what better last meal to have before i start fasting then McDonalds!

chicken foldover (just to feel a but healthier) value meal LARGE (okay i'm just kidding myself)

stay tuned to find out if i really have gout.......same blog.....same crap

Tailen

DISTANCE
-about 2 hours 10 minutes, if travelling by airasia, add 2 more hours

TRAFFIC
-horrendous but orderly, can also take trains to avoid traffic, as good as singapore.
-Cabs, very nice, mostly new toyota's, and pretty damn cheap, but u get stuck in the jamlah.
-tuk tuk, more expensive for more danger, worth the experience
-motorcycle taxi's, u must be one cheap bastard, cuts traffic effeciently
-boats, i didnt take one...damn it!

PEOPLE
-as good as it gets, nobody is more patient
-they smile a lot even though they are cheating you, but u cant understand a word they say either, so everyones happy

DOGS
-fat as hell, well fed street dogs that are happy and don't bark.

HOTTEST THING in BANGKOK
-Rotiboy, the line is pretty phenomenal.

FOOD
-good, good, good, cheap, even the bugs.

SHOPPING
-cheap shit everywhere, and everything else is pretty expensive.

RED LIGHT DISTRICT
-i didnt have time, i so wanted to see flying bananas

WEATHER
-hot, humid, rain, same shit over here

TV
-lame, adverts are good

MOVIES
-more up to date with thai subtitles, and of course thai shows which are generally better than ours.

THE CONCERT BANGKOK100ROCK

deus
-oklah, only heard their last song, was too busy drinking outside

Ian Brown
-lightly entertaining

Franz Ferdinand
-class, pure performers that kept the festival alive and rocking

Oasis
-i dun fancy them much but they did a good job, although i kept falling asleep

FUTURE HEADS
-oklah, better than dues i think, watched them from outside, not done drinking

MAXIMO PARK
-great! I was fuckin drunk

SNOW PATROL
-i love these guys, the only band that bothered to sing, did well but was a bit too slow for a rock festival, plus i was sobering up.

PLACEBO
-i dun fancy them much either, but they did well to close the show.

Of MU and other things

Damn it,

(the 4-3 loss to Blackburn)

Congrats to Sparky, he'll make a great manager someday.

New insight to RIO's name the "I" and "O" also phonetically spells out "aiyooooooo!"

my reactions exactly to the own goal, which i thought was as much as Van der Sar's fault also.

But hell, Chelsea won the league, I mean is going to win the league anyway. But SHIT! Liverpool will probably take 2nd place.

Ah that's 05/06, but I know with every drip of red blood cells in my body, that the Reds will keep marching on.

On to other matters

CNY holidays coming to a close, which spells WORK WORK WORK

This year's kinda tough on the working scene, not in the confines of 8tv anymore (wait a minute, it's not like there's a difference on that point) more importantly, not working on one mega project (Malaysian Idol) a year this time.

Starting on the outside with more programs to get done,

more programs=more headaches=more fear=more anger=more hate= more suffering

but thanks to all the less fortunates in the world, that face tougher problems like dying of starvation or dying of politcal powers or dying of listening to the same crappy songs everyday on the radio.

My spirits remain HIGH, especially after i take a look at Malaysian TV,

Now who says mTV(malaysian tv) is crap? unentertaining? full of artistic/lazy masturbation?

I admit I've said it many times, but just today as I was watching Malaysia's fear factor/Celebrity edition, I enjoyed myself. I really wanted all of them to puke their ass off during the eating stunts, it didnt happen but they were horrified enough to cry.

Juita Viden (production house for fear factor) is still in my good books.

Soon after I flicked to Blast Off semi-finals, and that really took the cake.

Who wouldnt enjoy a talent show without TALENT?! I mean the producers must have been smarter than those guys who created Big Brother. How did they know they could still get viewers to watch a bunch of performers who wouldn't even be allowed to perform in the Ship and worst still spend money to vote for them?

Hell, reminds of Malaysian Idol, but at least the Idol judges still opened a can of whoop ass when they needed to, on Blast Off you get ACIS smilling half the time, and Jo Flizzowwwww my Nizooww telling a bunch of lousy rockerz that they still have potential.

For heaven sakes, this aint white people! We're Asians, we should be telling the brutal truth, and let these buggers cry about it, and hope they come back bigger and stronger.

But who's watching anyway.

Then next comes Doop on Ntv7, damn, i wont even bother to comment, but I admit it wasnt as bad as the first time I saw it,just that, they runnin out of celebs, i dun even know half the ppl they doop, why cant they just doop Mahatir or Annuar or Karpal, im sure the ratings will rocket.

then I switch to HBO, where i get a glimpse of dreamcatcher, a show i've seen before,

hell, the show goes from a group of friends who get strange powers after helping a retard, but then a virus is spreading in the cabin and woods where they are hanging out in, but no, it turns out to be some alien shit, and the retard boy was an alien all along...blablablablabla

and the worst part is, I still enjoy it! even the first time! it so crap you can't be bothered getting all stressed up about it, u just force urself to enjoy it so that the universe can still move foward.

Thats the mTV scene in my world, so I'm gonna say a little prayer, something I don't do often.

Lord Jesus, please help me make good shows for people to watch on the TV although it is an instrument of the devil. Amen.

Sorry little scousers

MU v Liverpool 05/06

Old trafford

1-0

Rio Ferdinand (90 +1)


1st half (Havana Club Changkat Bukit Bintang) 2nd half (the green man, havana close shop)

Company : Tim the Red, Cheah Gonzales the Neutral


beer was good, chips and pizza even better, man we were pigs, coz we already had a good beef ball mee dinner


but being a Man U fan nowadays, u develop something all scousers have inbred in them.....DOUBT!

it's a sick curse, but Chelsea have proven to be the new Team out there, and everyone else is just trying their best to be their second.

Back to the match........damn i can't remember much....wonder why

ah yes, both sides played like bloody crap.

the scousers dominated possesion but were crap in their finishing, they're so desperate they got back robbie fowler, not like he's gonna do much, i guess they'll keep him so next year he can score against united......smart move BENITEZ, my respect for you is wanning.

as for MU, well they were just trying to stay afloat, clearing off the line and shite like that,

then came RIO, notice how is name is R with a 1-0, how could i have missed such an Omen!


out of all the players on the field, he deserved it the most, and thanks to Sven calling him lazy, he had to prove something to the Swede in the Stands that night.


this match meant everything for MU this season, it meant Ferguson started smiling again, it meant we cant win the league but we can still piss on 18 other teams, it meant that we will always beat the frickin scousers when it matters most!

it also means that MU has never lost a match when Tim & Myron get beer on tap at some bar.

Hard-Pack Confessionals

i've taken a marlboro lights ciggy recently

was pretty stressed out, but was more curious (fake sense of it) then anything else.

just that something evil inside you that never wants to die out, or in this case burn out.

those who know of this slip, expressed their disappointment of how i've wasted their dream ambitions of how one day, they themselves can kick the habit too.

good news is, im not back on the bandwagon

bad news is, there was a sense of relief, which is a dangerous thing, especially when it comes to addiction.

so those out there using me as a measuring stick for male demographic in 20s---
GET realistic and be your own role model. no one can help you better than yourselves.

as for what i've learnt, it is a very difficult habit to kick, and am glad i've failed a 1000 times to have the experience i have now. the experience that nobody is perfect, but those who sit and do nothing should seriously ponder the dangers that creep.

there's nothing more disturbing than the consequences that are not right smack in your face, but many years later down the line.

Words don't come easy

Mis-comm, I mean Mass-Comm, the subject I studied and graduated from. Why did i take it in the first place?

In all honesty I thought it was a chick subject, for all those ladies who wanted to be VJ's and news anchors.

I myself just wanted to be a filmmaker, didn't feel confident enough to tell my parents I was shipping out to FINAS, so I decided to compromise with Mass Comm, since Journalism was still regarded as a reputable career, I wonder why. Plus I never believed in the state of our country's education system anyway. Since I spent only 2 solid weeks in class during Form 5, spent the rest of my time missing class to get the school play done, school magazine finished, school band formation on the road. And of course the majority of the time not doing anything at all under the blanket of my various co-curricular responsibilities.

Soon enough when I did start studying in college, I decided to have an open mind and embrace the subjects which i didn't really care about, and I learnt a bit more than just scoring the right grades.

Life is about communication, it comes in all forms, a person needn't say a word to tell another what he feels inside. Most of the time body-language is more truthful than words itself.

We see chicken and dogs fighting among each other all the time, people who don't understand what the other is trying to say, yet not being able to try to compromise.

It happens everywhere, home, office, religiously, sometimes with God himself.

What the hell did I just write? It's just too fucking hot in my office, they need to fix the air-con!

Memoirs of a Fat Pig

Just saw the movie, Memoirs of a Geisha,

quick review, OK, as usual, too much hype for a nice tale, nothing too viceral our outstanding about the movie, it was more like a graceful flick, graceful as the art itself ( i hope that was what the director was thinking about anyway).

But I must admit, Zhang Zi Yi did a fantastico job, this coming from ME the I FORMERLY THINK SHE'S THE MOST ANOYING ACTRESS ON SCREEN, thanks to movies like the road home, where I thought Zhang Yi Mau literally kept "screwing" her with the camera lens.

She has totally made me eat my socks, and I'll be the first to say she might win the oscar! or at least the kid playing her character should, outstanding performance.

I wonder what it would be like if I had my own memoirs in a book? i'd love it to be a horror/comedy/drama/love story/action flick.....hell it's Shaun of the Dead! why didnt that movie win any oscar's eh? not even a BAFTA?

Well i guess it's a new year and I'm starting to wonder what makes me tick in the movies, I've been trying to enjoy my bang for the buck, at the same time trying not to succumb to rubbish, but hell when you're tired and out of ya mind, you'll kinda accept anything that comes in THX, Lucas is a genius!

Now I don't even know what I'm rambling about, but somewhere out there, some weird shit is thinking the same thing.

Gee I wonder whether I'll ever make any movies at all? I am still young, I always fear by the time I get round to it, film won't be a viable option, looking at Malaysia, it's more likely to jump Digital like how telcos want to jump to 3G even though less than half the country has PC's.

People keep telling me, don't worry about the format, it's IDEAS that count.

Yeah i'm sure IDEAS are the most important thing a person can poses, but hell I'd love to hear the film rolling in the damn camera, the madness the budget will escalate if that film roll keeps on rolling, the bigger amount of money it's gonna take to get the film digitized, edited, and transfered back to film reels, it's the whole soul behind it. At least that's what a film-virgin yearns for.

Digital will always be efficient, but it's as cold as what it represents.

Hopefully when my cinematic-virginity has to be bargained upon like the Geisha's, I hope I get a good price.

Smell of a 1000 miles

BEHOLD the might TOFU, the smelly type.

Say hello to Gaurav, my mate from Norway, no he's not blonde and yes he's Indian.

Nevertheless, a victim for the smelly taufoo thanks to his visit here in KL and of course his willingness to allow ME to give him a taste that smells over a 1000 miles!


That's his Mauritian gal on the right. My former RA in Perth, Shanela's her name, eating smelly tofu ain't her game, so she watches safely at the sidelines.






Notice the slow torture one's tastebuds endure when the slimy tofu kills all form of reseptors leading only the feeling of ultimate CRAP left in your mouth.

It's not that bad is it?

Kinda smooth, mushy, not much taste.

I can live with this, what's the big deal?

OK it smells and taste like crap, it's worst than shit.

Will this have a terrible effect when we make out?

Hope u enjoyed my comedic take on events, but on the reality side, HE enjoyed the tofu and ate more than one, he's one of the more sporting ppl i know seeing that there are more and more chickens living in this world nowadays......and yes SHE still likes him despite his bad after-breath.

Kampungku

Gee, just another plain urinal at One Utama's new wing......wait a minute, piss don't come in lumps????? Got to take a closer look.


Damn it looks like shit, who the hell shits in a urinal? it's not called a shitinal or crapinal or a toilet bowl? I dun believe it.

Okay it's shit, plain old shit, but which numb skull takes a dump in a urinal? or more importantly how does someone go around doing it?

With the help of a fellow Singaporean, we've come to the conclusion that it must have been the standing-pass-motion technique used by the cranes in Japan.

"Men can do anything standing up." -Jon Sim (seen in pic)

I myself hope it's some baby shit not some uneducated prick, or worst still an aspiring artist's work of art.

Quack Quack

Welcome to the Sunrise roasted duck rice shop at Sea Park.

To those who know it, I need not say more, and to those who don't, what the hell are you waiting for?

Located very near the KFC at Sea Park, if you dunno where that is, then don't bother, really, you might as well ask someone that has been there before.

Tis the lady that does all the chopping, quite decent skills, I'm guessing she's like 3rd generation duck seller.

Service is pretty okay, not too arrogant considering other famous shops,

all and all a pretty good experience.


Tis the meat that is crispy on the outside, and killa on the in.

Very difficult to get a perfect texture in roast duck, they do it to the tee,

along with some vinegary soup, which i tend to like, though it's not for everyone's tastebuds.
I've only been to this place like twice, coz it closes so bloody early, and believe me they do, so if u ever want a bite, i guess you have to try the weekend rush or tell ur boss you have to go to the bank.

Bon Apetit

The Incredible Bulk & his new office

The Incredible Bulk, gets frustrated whenever there is no food around, don't piss him off, at least have a cookie at worst!
His new office, Homegrown Productions Sdn Bhd.

Will spend the next few days painting it, carpeting, furnishing....bla bla bla.

This is where great things will happen...the start of an interesting journey.

When in doubt

Sunday

November 6

2005

A day that will be remembered for all MU fans and otherthanChelsea fans around the world.

Would it have proven to be a turning point in the domination of Russian money or was it just a last gasp from a dying breed of champions.

Whatever it was, it was a glimmer, a glimmer that the never-give-up attitude in Manchester was still alive.

Sure it feels lame to be like Liverpool, not having a chance at winning everything but feeling like the Champions League had been won after beating any of the rivals, and the funny thing is they are the European Champions (but everybody knows that final was rigged).


But back to a splendid performance in the 1-0 victory over Chelsea, a no nonsense tough performance in the first half, the Reds totally shut off the multi-million dollar Chelsea midfield, and with the luck of a baboon-of-a-striker-Drogba, things were even easier.

Alan Smith was bitch slapping eveybody in his zone, while Ronaldo kept running past his markers, they had no choice but to resort to rugby rules to bring him down.

But the boy wonder finally found some luck with a left-legged cross (a blind one in fact) to find the magical head of Darren Fletcher, a player criticised by his own captain, a player I think personally is Alex Ferguson's eligitimate son, a player that tried to cross the ball back with a header, but found it looping in to the top corner of the Chelsea goal by the ghosts of the Busby Babes, or to give him a bit more credit some masterclass ingenuity.


The second half was a bit more frightening seeing that Chelsea kept their shit together to create more opportunities, but it was obvious who had the greater desire between the two teams,

and the Reds were back.


Never the most skillful of teams Manunited, but they still have the biggest heart in the whole world, it's all about pushing the limits, once the new batch starts realising this, they will rule Europe and England(unlike Liverpool).

My nephew the King

It's all saints day today, for all the non-christians it's the day we chrissies celebrate all the saints at one go, another good excuse to push festivals in Italy and other european countries.

What usually comes after all saints, would be all-souls day, the day when we chrissies visit the departed (dead people), kinda like ceng beng, except without a whole lot of shit burning and polluting the sky (for all those offended, i too burn a lot of shit during ceng beng).

but back to all souls...my family decided to visit the graves earlier, to get a heads up, it's less packed and more peaceful, (note: you don't usually try this tip during ceng beng, because the later you visit the graves the less cleaning you have to do!) and with good luck like today, the weather was great even though it was dead in the middle of the afternoon, good overcast skies....thank you grandpa.

That was the first grave we visited, my grandfather, Lionel Martin Nunis. Never knew him in person but always knew what a good man he was. (father of like 10 plus kids,who wouldnt be dad of the century!).


Put all the flowers, candles, tea-light candles in small glass jars collected after eating some jeruk or peanut butter.

You see the glass jars keep the tea light candles from blowing off, coz if you really notice, whenever you are surrounded by the dead, there is always a chilly gust of wind, it's all part of the puzzle of ectoplasm hanging around the atmospehere. Well the glass jars are my dad's idea and the ectoplasm is just what i learned from the ghostbusters.

So back to the candles and the flowers, and then comes the prayers, then my dad takes pictures from his handphone as we all pose with the graves, my bro describes it best, "we're turning into the adams' family".

Next, my uncle, Michael Fernandez, and it's also his birthday today, so we go through the same routines and wish him a good birthday. And of course we took more photos!

the next grave, the most interesting, my nephew E. Aaron Nunis.

the interesting part about his grave is, I never knew he existed till my mom so casually told us about it on the spot. And like most cemeteries, we didn't know exactly where he was located.

so now i'm searching for a nephew i never knew that died at childbirth, while my mom started to call my cousin Baba (Aaron's dad), i decided to call out to my nephew for the first time, and like family reunited i guess i felt his presence and my eyes locked on straight to his grave.

Elvis Aaron Nunis, departed 1981. Just a year older than me, we would have been in the same family gang. This is the first time i got to meet him, and already he is a cool dude, making good connections with me and having the coolest name ever, my cousin Elvis!

Seeing he is one of the perfect, purest nephew I have, without original sin, I'd like to think he is some high ranking angel up above, and I'm glad to know that I have some buddies in heaven.

Visiting the dead always remind you what you have when you're alive, so thanks Aaron for meeting and i hope you can be my guardian angel.

hating what you like

as the title suggests and vice versa.


what a wonderful world! at least intersting a bit.

another season ended

daniel, malaysia's second idol, a penangite! or a kedahen? or whatever he is.

i congratulate him because hell who could have done it this season anyway seeing that the show got bigger and better in terms of viewership.


plus i rather be happy then angry seeing that my bosses read my blog too!

so having an online diary has its limitations. i guess i'll stick to more subversive comments.


back to being happy, who doesnt like being happy? its been 23 years and counting that ive walked this earth and not even being middled aged ive been blessed with realisations of how things work in this world.

and i came to realise that it always works, whether things are bad or good, time has to keep ticking and the world will still revolves (sorry you sci-fi fans out there).

yet as humans we must defy what is certain to learn that there can be differences, varients in what people perceive as right or common.

and for me, i choose to be happy, a hedonist, to indulge in what makes me feel best and i've learnt that only through my own sadness and quite suffering behind the smiles and laughs.

happiness can radiate onto others as much as it makes others hate in order to feel happy.
as much as i see leaders and successful people being hated for their measures they are balanced with the respect, the silent respect that they have done something with their lives.

and the importance is doing something, whether you become a prime minister or lead a happy family of 7, there is always something that can make one happy, and a value system widening the differences like fame and money does, i believe is just a fad in the persuit of true happiness.

the only way i can believe in myself, is to learn from the past and keep improving.
that is my silent prayer.

it's snowing!

like a dream it was, so white and fluffy in the morning,

could it be, some freak of nature? or a miracle of some kind


nope,


its just fucking hazy

that dirty little feeling

you have tons of work to do......

you have ample time do it......

but at the same time u figure, what about a few minutes of sleep since its so hard to find these days...


and then you wake up five hours, or worse still the next day!


and all but shite is done.


that's the dirty little feeling that lingers whenever responsibilty lurks.


are we all programed to be rebels of reality or is just my bloody generation, or not to be a stereotype-freak......just me


dont really know all the answers, just now the feelings.


You know when you're thrashing someone's ass in pool, or cards or drinking games, or work assignemnts....

and all you need is that final blow to send your oponent to oblivion,

and you loosen your guard coz,,,, hell what's the worst that could happen?

then....BAM that backstabing office whore is out there bitching about your laziest moments! or you just lose that silly bet that anybody would have avoided.


that's what i'm talking about, that dirty little feeling when everything reaches the brink of time,spcae,reality,bla bla bla


and some of us are actually attuned to disaster before it happens, call it pattern recognization, call it ESP call it the freakin FORCE, but hell we still tend to choose the harder paths.....but why?


some say stupidity, others spirituality, i think our brain does some selections without our heart's notice.


but as we all know, what's the sweet without the bitter anyway? the laze without the hassle


the spotless without the downright feakin dirty feeling